Classic on love. What it is and how to.

My first reading of Eric Fromm’s. Published in 1956. Bits about homosexuality and allusions to gender norms of the time made me look! Minor distractions really. I believe I came across this googling something like ‘best fucking books ever written about love.

Funnily, while waiting to board a plane in Guatemala City a woman from PA approached to tell me how much she loves this book. It was strapped to the back of my bag so clearly visible. She’d read it maybe 15 times. Like an ‘old friend.’ We went on to speak about a number of related topics - books, psychology, spirituality.

The orientation to love here is as a verb. We benefit from love by loving. Love of all. The more ubiquitous the more true. Not just one person. All. Not just people. Not just people and animals. Rocks too.

Selfishness and self-love are opposites. And unselfishness is not the objective. Self-love is. Love of self and love of other are synonymous. Popular today is the phrase, “in order to love others, you must first love yourself.” After reading Fromm, I feel what’s missing in this understanding is the inseparability of the two. Our phrase is too object and goal oriented. Too chronological. As if you can’t have a loving relationship until you learn to love yourself so go to that and then come back..or and then go out looking. So I’m enjoying how it feels to see loving others as a natural extension of loving one’s self instead of as a reward.

There are many other important points made which turn a way of thinking back around in the correct direction. Definitely would recommend if this is the general intention. This and maybe also just a desire to get in touch more with this core need. I will be referencing this one for sure. There are also a good number statements made which are good reminders to me why a lifetime in this space learning about and sharing/teaching of deeper intimacy with self and other is well spent.

Towards the end I saw great value in the discussion on the ways in which people love in different economic structures (capitalism, communism, etc.) being a product of that structure. “The principle underlying capitalistic society and the principle of love are incompatible…the spirit of a production-centered, commodity-greedy society is such that only the non-conformist can defend himself successfully against it.”